late summer is always transformative — a karmic egoic accelerated push
but this one has Been particularly potent
I lean into the revelatory alchemy in gratitude,
the grief of the world hits my hypersensitive Self in a way that has left my justified rage, intentional withdrawals, (re)Birth-working, solitude, personal decision not to participate in two party systems / the medical industrial complex / traditional education system projected onto violently n those around me only speak up once I have already taken on the worst of the emotional labor intuiting a different Path
my identities are constantly made an example of my work is constantly copied stolen from n devalued by AI & folks who left me for Dead over the last five years but preach wellness n peace
my autistic attempts at connection are often preyed on n misunderstood I’ve Been forcibly medicated for Being moved by genocides n I’ve Been blamed for things way out of my control giving me intense social CPTSD
but I am not a victim an antivaxxer a right winger or a liberal
I believe in God(dess) Being Change n I surrender to Her n have yet to Be led astray
even when it leads to exile n Being scapegoated by those I Love most
existing in the liminalities is not for the weak on these cursed polarized lands
but unmedicated childBirth x Being America’s forbidden taboo (“mulatto” with Southern Black ancestry) gave me a multiple consciousness that prepares me for this prophesied narcissistic collapse
two warring magical lineages within keeps me minding my business
still I can See the collective in this place of Soul loss, identity crisis, dissonance, religious psychosis n it Reminds me of my greatest traumas n gifts
these last two summers I have found my voice my boundaries n my spine n for it I have Been called a hateful demonic bitch
Been targeted used baited into arguments institutionalized called crazy a liar a fed a spy
jus for paying attention saying no n asking why at the wrong Times
I can See the Beginning n the end of this global mess the constant distortion
there is no fear in my Heart
n in the most Life affirming way I do not want to participate in this world as it is now n I’d also like to go by another name
“riley” makes me feel trapped
n I do not agree with all it means to “Be a Mack”
lately Being called “riley” makes me feel rejected
bad
abandoned
fake
taken for granted
tainted
I Lived the “Life of Riley” for everyone else’s sake n it was a Dead end of overgiving n Living for external validation
I was convinced I could help / fix / save others n promised a future that does not exist
looking around I am worried for disabled people Black women n for children n pray for our liberation first because it would lead to everyone else’s
I accept this reality by adapting to meet it
Change requires Change
if you never met this me face to face
you can call me lane (She/they)
May all Beings Be peaceful.
May all Beings Be happy.
May all Beings Be safe.
May all Beings awaken to the Light of their True nature.
May all Beings Be Free. All Power to the People.
& so it is + will Be.
emBodied melody 