n his past participation in abusive dynamics
get to Know his understanding of systemic violence n the power he is situated in
ask his views on public ongoing court cases
n what he would do if you went public about the harm he has caused interpersonally
does he say “no one will believe you”
“women lie”
what did his parents Teach him about safe Love? who are his examples of healthy men? relationships?
which men does he idolize n what are their philosophies on women n Love? getting to Know who a man stans reveals a lot
does he have an issue meeting your requests or accommodations for past trauma?
or does he blame you n patronize you like it didnt happen violently enough to Be valid
does he treat your attempts to protect yourSelf n others from dangerous men as an affront to him personally? or as a sign of disloyalty?
what does he think should happen to rapists n situations of domestic violence involving women n children?
does he say your trauma makes you “harder to Love?”
what do his past partners have to share?
does he hide you from the people in his Life?
how do we protect each other? on n offline
what is he willing to do to hold himSelf n his man peers accountable to due processes of harm reduction n repair?
how do we annihilate both rape n cancel culture while centering those who were harmed?
who has authority to police n protect?
do his parents Know what he on? who does he answer to?
when is the right Time to get legalities involved n what resources do victims of abuse have?
what does he consider “Self defense” n “reactive abuse?”
can n will he protect you materially even if you arent together?
get familiar with his awareness of systemic harm
his social positioning
his awareness of basic tenets of feminism
n the protection of marginalized people under fascism
ask the questions
early
dont stay laid up with a liability
it aint safe out there until we make it so
we take care of us
emBodied melody 