hear my Heart

its hurting

words feel inconsequential n online silence is Seen as weakness but someTimes in real Life it is revolutionary medicine

the deep resting the immovability the mutism the blinding ancestral rage the isolation the focus

somewhere between shock freeze n the fight or flight responses

I Belong to a first generation Iranian n Mexican family with generational roots in LA Texas n Tehran

I am Black n mixed n neurodivergent n a child of a combat veteran I am recovering from recent estrangement n forced hospitalization in the name of justice for the children of Palestine n for my own marked childhood

there are so many layers to this current political moment

Remembering this Time last year

Juneteenth, Father’s Day, UCLA — trying to get back all my memories

thinking back to every interaction at direct actions since I was high school aged

every point of contact with each institution every ICE drill in the classroom every confrontation with border patrol every board meeting every frontline n underground movement every phone call from jail every day I spent drugged against my will every Time we fell victim to this system of weaponized (mis)information n the internets trap of visibility

every drone flown over my garden

every breath n step in veneration to every version every person I Know n Love every family separated to every one seeking justice n a safe Home no matter the consequences

n to the land(s) that raised me

I let the Earth speak

Her wrath still moves me

in sanctity n wiser strategy

I am still working on killing the cop within — it hides in the most unexpected places

when practicing nonreactivity (never nonviolence within this system)

multidimensional integrity

anti-carceral accountability

generative conflict intentional withdrawals

weaponized Self care n non participation

sending folks back to who raised them

rebuking relying solely on algorithm based information

making Love revolution

sex positive consent based relating

trauma informed pleasure making

organizing anciently n futuristically

rhythmically somatically naturally

Becoming an emBodied melody of liberation

punching upwardly in

a collective cacophony of True peace on the other side of our drumming sounds of war

Returning

releasing

outside of the performance of activism n intimacy the constantly seeking more

beyond the binary thinking

n dogmatic nihilism

jus listening, acting, existing in resistance n Love

at the roots

Home

in my Body

Living against every odd

we break down we carry on in pure devotion

bleeding grieving smiling

at the natural rhythm

in gratitude,

may we all get Free