the departing returns you

I like to go away someTimes

into the safety of my own space n mind I find restoration n belonging in other worlds where peace is the norm

my departures have Changed since Samadhi was Born

I find mySelf slipping away to my quiet place(s) with a tired face

maybe I do dissociate (– or is it disassociating?)

I have had to find reNewed ways to merge my unSeen departures with my shared Realities

Now I (co)create consciously n that validates me sustainably

to Be gifted with Samadhi

I can See the Divine responsibility I am called to accept in each moment

this journey is no longer jus about me

one Time an elder said in front of me something along the lines of

‘who Knows where She would have Been without that baby’

n it was a Knowing message – it didnt feel limiting

it was one that comes from someone who has Seen how a new Life shifts all things

n for those who are willing to lean in

to turn the gaze inwardly

it is a multidimensionally transformative blessing

parenting is an undertaking

n growing FutureSeeds take over — reaching from above n below guiding from a place we forget we Know

I feel humbled to observe that there is a quickening of the Remembering

because of pure Love

we carry out our Living testimonies

last year I journeyed deep

dancing dangerously close to the edge at the risk of losing everything

when I met the grieving n realized what was Being asked of me

naturally

in my naivety I believed I was meant to sacrifice all of me

I mean

that is what had Been shown to me

the martyr(ing)

I wanted to Be like that

withering away jus to say

“I was here

…and there”

I spent a decade attempting to play all of the parts

n did

now I write in wonder n awe with all of the sides of me I hid

I write in a chaotic clamorous stillness

Live alchemy

n in humility for all of the ways that my guides have protected me on my journey(ing)

six years of Soulmate unity three years of conscious parenting n Soul retrieving seven months of Living separately 13 months of no drinking n no sexing one year of microdosing addressing two decades of avoiding Being wholly emBodied

I under-inner-over-stand now

the ability to experiment is a privilege

one that is no longer lost on me

I was willing to lose everything

Saturns lessons reflect the consequential nature of EarthTime n under Her instruction I find mySelf back on the good Timeline

twelve weeks n several months of anciently futuristic somatic healing therapies n my memories came back to me

the veils of amnesia were removed from my eyes by matriarchal guides

masterful Source conduits

they led me to consider more possibilities

maybe this is the longest Life that I have ever Lived

n maybe for me this is the other side

I See Heaven every Sunrise

they say the Truth can Be felt

n now that I have learned how to receive help I move with an unwavering faith n an impenetrable auric grace(fulness)

(in n for my Self)

the fragmented scattered parts of me

the ways that I shapeshifted

trying to get others to See

it all has Been returned to me

in the release of fearful traits

from the fascia all of the hate loops back around n into the ground

fueling me

“Free Energy”

n in some inconvenient ways I am still jus the same

n probably always will Be

but when I sit down to put my Heart on the page today I am the whole melody emBodied

thank you(s) for reminding me

& so it is + will Be.

R

(re)Birthwork-ing

this year I learned the difference between erasure n Self sabotage

I rested more than I have in many Lives

I kept my side of the stories quiet

I sat with my shit alone n in community

I learned what it means to emBody integrity in an illusory reality

how to take accountability

I fought with the victim mentalities n the ways people have tried to take from me

to emulate my energy

n to move as if I don’t exist consciously

presently

attentively

n honestly

(compassionate forgiveness is the remedy)

I named n (re)named mySelf

I (re)claimed my Birthright(s) n rebuked fake help

I worked through what it means to have multidimensional boundaries

I learned for realsies that hater shit aint really got nothin to do with the Love in me

n I stopped feeling so guilty

for “overreacting” momentarily

for removing my energy

n for Trusting what I Know I’ve Seen to Be True

I stopped feeling so guilty for naming inequalities n for speaking for those who arent able to

I realized how loudly God(dess) guides through me

n as much as I’ve craved belonging n recognition for these offerings

only the Divine can validate work done in the unSeen

I gave too much so blindly Before I Knew who I came here to Be

I was Living out stories that were not written for me

n now I See

it starts n ends with me

I walk with the guidance of many Teachers humbly

from them I have learned who I do not want to Be

n that this Path is one of subtracting

I looked straight into the mirror til I stopped fearing what it was reflecting

I got to the root of my suicidal drinking

I was Self preserving

I found mySelf doulaing me

I removed all shame from my Being

n surrendered to a full range of feelings

this year of initiation cemented my Living legacies n opened the roads for Samadhi

I illuminated my testimonies on the page n through spaceTime

through my journeying I retrieved everything that has Been mine

just to See that it never was

I untethered mySelf from others responsibilities

n redefined Motherhood

I took all of my power back

maintained my sovereignty

I Change the weather

n no fear resides in me

this is the (re)Birthwork I am facilitating

thank you for witnessing me Freeing me

& so it is + so it will Be.

-R