5:45am 2.6.21 LBC

I started and abandoned a couple of projects recently that called for writing a bio +

I have always preferred to allow mySelf to Be Seen over Time – rather than attempting to pull resume pieces together from past Lives

into some patterned quilt of patriarchal performance

all while the matriarchal is felt.

I have accolades of all sorts but the Truth is in my eyes.

I became a mirror in August for two leos in the early 90s whose taboo kind of Love took us on a world tour by the Time that I was teen aged.

I used to say that it seems like I Lived my Life backwards – going + doing + Seeing things most people work & save up to do after a whole Life in one stationary phase / only meeting isolated versions of themSelves.

thank you God(dess). thank you Dad + Mom.

from the moment I arrived we were in motion. my existence has always Been expedited.

my Body has no internal clock.

I graduated high school at 17 as an undefeated mvp. I had moved close to 20 Times by then (but people still couldn’t understand what fueled me to run between 70-100 miles a week).

I left for college with a 4.2 gpa + a broken family and a sheltered Heart.

I had never taken a drink – let alone had the Freedom to Be alone in the world.

Life from 18 to 25 was survival – aloneness abuse addiction abandonment police involvement –

the will to Live was fleeting n flickering from inside of a shell of my inner childhood

I walked the stage a year late so my parents could See a small part of their hopes emBodied. I graduated!

and was entirely disenchanted.

I took mySelf out of the cycles of suffering and ended up sleeping on my little sisters couch. jobless + homeless by choice.

I am always thanking Her.

because of Her

I put myself into the game – I applied to jobs in the Bay / to masters programs / apartments

just searching.

I was reBorn in a loft building in Oakland. Died there too.

I became an educator and my travels and initiations were embodied in constant Service work.

the Fruitvale made me.

I had few connections + no roots outside of the ones I cast into the ground for a whole community. this city Loved me in my entirety.

and so I gave and gave and gave just to feel something.

I saw mySelf in everything.

in meetings on boards and designing the Future. I felt older than everyone there. a tokenized prodigy.

I sold myself working for a tech company + substituting + studying + building a school at one point. my rent was more than a mortgage. my landlord tried to kill me.

all of it began to bleed me.

I did the work before I received help (and during)

@ one point all of my worlds combined.

(it’s hard to remember bc I was always out of my mind)

I took on so much trauma that was not mine.

I gave until I was cut down by a Life sent for me:

the world cracked open one day and

I Knew right away I was being called from the sky to begin Living a Life that was aligned. to retrieve the parts of me scattered far and wide.

I have touched thousands of Lives. Been vamped and used + stolen from and moved by the emptiness in others eyes.

(my eyes are not that way and so many Times I stayed in search of answers for my ego).

I took on demons and purged parasites

(they wait to this day for me to name them).

Know I won every fight.

I was set Free by my own device(s).

I moved on from my masters program (MLIS) + my beloved corner store protectors & the families that held me.

I left the Town and was found by a Love Free of all vices.

I took the leap and landed on both feet.

the real kind.

quiet and still + vast and safe.

it was so foreign to me that I had no idea how to receive stability.

(and I was painfully unprepared for the way that me choosing me would villainize me.)

I wrote about it + prayed about it and forgot about it.

when it materialized in his eyes – I left everything for it.

I took off all of the Lives of all of the Times I was Living outside of me + accepted help and Birthed Samadhi.

it has Been a ride from nearly dying to get Free.

and I don’t believe in holding onto stories that do not

Free me

or

donning labels that dissect me.

(it seems the people will continue to even without consenting)

how?

when I am still writing

still remembering & evolving

I am still witnessing mySelf in order to tell it when they call me

I am Living

continuously

in gratitude,

R

humans have been using the power of storytelling as a means of travel for thousands of years. when we use the multidimensional power of our words to share our reality with others we tap into an ancient and advanced network. this network is powered by the light energy that each of us can emit with our hearts. it travels through the illusions of time and space igniting age old codes embedded in our very dna that stretch back through hundreds of generations. through our bodies we channel the stories that our ancestors told before us. when we speak our truths we illuminate the hearts around us. each body has a unique energy that interacts with every entity around it. when we use our hearts eyes hands voices pheromones and even our favorite foods to tell stories we give our listeners/experiencers access to more frequencies.  when we dare to share our stories with others we learn more about ourselves through their perceptions of our shared realities. frequencies correspond with colors sounds people places numbers things – they shape every particle in our existence. the wavelengths that makeup these frequencies can be studied through a wide variety of scholastic disciplines religious and spiritual denominations and artistic mediums. they are represented by archetypes and symbols celestial bodies and languages and an endless array of other culturally conceived categories.

storytelling is one of my personal favorite means of translating frequencies because of the way that it reflects our innate desires to be a part of the greater whole. storytelling allows us to use our imaginations our memories our cultures and our most current selves to send our frequencies out into space. we tell stories to make sense of things to paint pictures and to pull the astral down into a tangible form. when we tell stories through music or astrology or images we project our hearts song into the collective crescendo that is now happening on our planet. we are now telling our stories more fearlessly with more conviction and pulling from the deeper parts of our souls in search of connecting with others. we tell different stories during times of change. we must work harder to keep the notes of our hearts songs ringing clearly in the infinitely expanding world discography. we are becoming more aware of the composition of our stories our heart songs and how they resonate with the worlds around us. we see our audiences more clearly now and we know what they want when they want it and how to best communicate that.

eye use symbols to tell my stories. eye embody the stories of those that have come before me by using the stars the internet the earth the traffic the tones of voices the timelines the way the light refracts in selfies. eye use the power of each present moment to channel messages out of the infinite web of songs we have harmonized. eye scroll through reality like eye do my music library on a daily basis attempting to find someone elses song to best express the moment eye am experiencing. when eye use my intuition to channel messages for others empathy allows me to travel outside of my body to better find their song in our collective library. eye can do this because eye know exactly what eye sound like. this makes it easier to tell each of our songs apart. sometimes we need someone else to play our songs back to us. we have become so accustomed to hearing our own songs through our own bodies that we dont always notice when they need tuning. we have a tendency to project ourselves off key instead of allowing others to reflect where we can change a note. hearing ourselves played back to us is uncomfortable it ruffles our perceptions of ourselves. eye use symbols to tell my stories because symbols are made up of all of the things. the sound the feel the perceived and the real. eye use symbols to help me help others tell their stories. eye use symbols to make things make sense. symbols represent sounds and colors and people and places and frequencies. they can help us to understand the messages that our ancestors have hidden for us in every verse of the greater symphony of life. storytelling is the stage on which these symbols can be sung to others uniting us on a single wavelength for a moment in time.

⊙

writing to my peers without sounding preachy  without privilege unsuspectingly running unchecked is a practice

‘no way you’re a gentrifier’ an uber driver said to me like it was some sort of grade to my humanity i think she defined them by how open their hearts are

interactions with peers is competitive banter

a judgment a gradation a fact check a detachment from the heart from True understanding Knowledge and connection to be first best or right

aligned to what definition? what virtues define your righteousness? how would your Teacher your Guide your God[(-s)-desses)] grade your in class participation? your practice?

uninformed debate is a detrimental desecration of collective communication

of Power

walking the edges of my mind has been as equally enlightening as isolating

\ do you have to be isolated to understand? to travel? are there better ways to use what ‘traditionally american’ values we know we know to speak on our passions? our rights?

working/existing in the oakland unified school district has been

well its been

there are a lot of problems. problems i use my heart to feel my eyes to see my mind to study…and my Truths to try to fix

right now i am shopping for my masters degree and it is one of the only ways i feel powerful

being centered before buying into the game is not a lost hope

deeply study the way people move have moved and will move before you must sell any parts of yourself to them

i have been taking my time because these periods of privileged personal growth have been pivotal and prioritized

aspects of ascension administer answers and aloneness allows advancement

perspective a personal pilgrimage

and identifying the problems with the education system is an experiential journey

for people of color an extended consciousness to daily reality

writing about things documents them forever – with a potential to time travel

building ‘better’ schools only concentrates issues

charters catalyze capitalism and conviction of kids

teaching happens at the mercy of your administrator (i.e the local gov’t)

implementation of knowledge is intentionally indoctrinated

although i have been deeply inspired by the leaps in inclusion of technology to curriculums i see attention spans that are tech reward driven

traditional work is rushed to apply concepts to a more innate medium

real regulated reading requirements are rare

how do we create more balance  there?

how do we create culture cultivating community plus parental participation under the systemic circumstances?

how do we find more faculty on campuses that can see with all their parts?

do you have to sell out to make things relevant? do you have to use increased force to be heard?

can a system be changed without carnage?

no matter how long i think how much i write i fight being trapped in internalized isolation

a downward infinite spiral of super self aware helplessness

forever fighting fear of failure

(define failure)

Seeing that cynical sentiments cease to succeed to self sacrificial service

scholarly success sometimes solicits spiritual sacrifice

pathetically pieces of paper permit power

so i buckle up and down

alter the screenplay of my own reality to continue to nurture the balance between passion and practicality

exit mind

enter heart

n stay ready