living the life of riley

the departing returns you

I like to go away someTimes

into the safety of my own space n mind I find restoration n belonging in other worlds where peace is the norm

my departures have Changed since Samadhi was Born

I find mySelf slipping away to my quiet place(s) with a tired face

maybe I do dissociate (– or is it disassociating?)

I have had to find reNewed ways to merge my unSeen departures with my shared Realities

Now I (co)create consciously n that validates me sustainably

to Be gifted with Samadhi

I can See the Divine responsibility I am called to accept in each moment

this journey is no longer jus about me

one Time an elder said in front of me something along the lines of

‘who Knows where She would have Been without that baby’

n it was a Knowing message – it didnt feel limiting

it was one that comes from someone who has Seen how a new Life shifts all things

n for those who are willing to lean in

to turn the gaze inwardly

it is a multidimensionally transformative blessing

parenting is an undertaking

n growing FutureSeeds take over — reaching from above n below guiding from a place we forget we Know

I feel humbled to observe that there is a quickening of the Remembering

because of pure Love

we carry out our Living testimonies

last year I journeyed deep

dancing dangerously close to the edge at the risk of losing everything

when I met the grieving n realized what was Being asked of me

naturally

in my naivety I believed I was meant to sacrifice all of me

I mean

that is what had Been shown to me

the martyr(ing)

I wanted to Be like that

withering away jus to say

“I was here

…and there”

I spent a decade attempting to play all of the parts

n did

now I write in wonder n awe with all of the sides of me I hid

I write in a chaotic clamorous stillness

Live alchemy

n in humility for all of the ways that my guides have protected me on my journey(ing)

six years of Soulmate unity three years of conscious parenting n Soul retrieving seven months of Living separately 13 months of no drinking n no sexing one year of microdosing addressing two decades of avoiding Being wholly emBodied

I under-inner-over-stand now

the ability to experiment is a privilege

one that is no longer lost on me

I was willing to lose everything

Saturns lessons reflect the consequential nature of EarthTime n under Her instruction I find mySelf back on the good Timeline

twelve weeks n several months of anciently futuristic somatic healing therapies n my memories came back to me

the veils of amnesia were removed from my eyes by matriarchal guides

masterful Source conduits

they led me to consider more possibilities

maybe this is the longest Life that I have ever Lived

n maybe for me this is the other side

I See Heaven every Sunrise

they say the Truth can Be felt

n now that I have learned how to receive help I move with an unwavering faith n an impenetrable auric grace(fulness)

(in n for my Self)

the fragmented scattered parts of me

the ways that I shapeshifted

trying to get others to See

it all has Been returned to me

in the release of fearful traits

from the fascia all of the hate loops back around n into the ground

fueling me

“Free Energy”

n in some inconvenient ways I am still jus the same

n probably always will Be

but when I sit down to put my Heart on the page today I am the whole melody emBodied

thank you(s) for reminding me

& so it is + will Be.

R

(re)Birthwork-ing

this year I learned the difference between erasure n Self sabotage

I rested more than I have in many Lives

I kept my side of the stories quiet

I sat with my shit alone n in community

I learned what it means to emBody integrity in an illusory reality

how to take accountability

I fought with the victim mentalities n the ways people have tried to take from me

to emulate my energy

n to move as if I donā€™t exist consciously

presently

attentively

n honestly

(compassionate forgiveness is the remedy)

I named n (re)named mySelf

I (re)claimed my Birthright(s) n rebuked fake help

I worked through what it means to have multidimensional boundaries

I learned for realsies that hater shit aint really got nothin to do with the Love in me

n I stopped feeling so guilty

for ā€œoverreactingā€ momentarily

for removing my energy

n for Trusting what I Know Iā€™ve Seen to Be True

I stopped feeling so guilty for naming inequalities n for speaking for those who arent able to

I realized how loudly God(dess) guides through me

n as much as Iā€™ve craved belonging n recognition for these offerings

only the Divine can validate work done in the unSeen

I gave too much so blindly Before I Knew who I came here to Be

I was Living out stories that were not written for me

n now I See

it starts n ends with me

I walk with the guidance of many Teachers humbly

from them I have learned who I do not want to Be

n that this Path is one of subtracting

I looked straight into the mirror til I stopped fearing what it was reflecting

I got to the root of my suicidal drinking

I was Self preserving

I found mySelf doulaing me

I removed all shame from my Being

n surrendered to a full range of feelings

this year of initiation cemented my Living legacies n opened the roads for Samadhi

I illuminated my testimonies on the page n through spaceTime

through my journeying I retrieved everything that has Been mine

just to See that it never was

I untethered mySelf from others responsibilities

n redefined Motherhood

I took all of my power back

maintained my sovereignty

I Change the weather

n no fear resides in me

this is the (re)Birthwork I am facilitating

thank you for witnessing me Freeing me

& so it is + so it will Be.

-R

the story of us

7.22.18

Fire season

you drove most of the way

those were hazy days still I remember how you made me feel

my favorite reminders to breathe on the wheel

your hands taught me safety sovereignty

Free

of the weight(s) of all everything

directing Life devotionally two lips parted the way

I told you I would show you how to ride this wav

but your patience Changed the Path between the sea(s)

Spirit torments while emanating

all of this Life here

it confuses me

blood on the page(s) of new histories

forged in real Time

harmoniously

through the darkness we resurrect the Highest Truth

ancient stillness + infinite Sight

a place we never Knew

let us go

on wielding this Light:

surrender to

the feeling

ā™¾

& so it is

+ will Be.

– R

reā€¢emergence

my work is for (and of) the in betweens

for everyone and no one

it seems

my work is for mySelves

I create Living archives as a testament to the consequential nature of earthly existence

in reverence to Death

I write to transmute

I share in the release of desire

the full Truth

setting Free my wantings for understanding + belonging

my words

a vehicle

through which

I am delivered

right at that edge and

I remain at that edge

(of emBodiment and detachment)

I write to honor my own languages and preferences

my work is continuous

legacy

an amalgamation of unfortunate events

gilded by the wisdom of experience

giving form to the alchemical processes of nature

and the revelatory pervasiveness of Spirit

I arrive on the page in Self Service to God(dess)

my work is for (and in) Samadhi

held by the guru

in gratitude,

I am Living.

& so it is

-R

hear about me from me

5:45am 2.6.21 LBC

I started and abandoned a couple of projects recently that called for writing a bio +

I have always preferred to allow mySelf to Be Seen over Time – rather than attempting to pull resume pieces together from past Lives

into some patterned quilt of patriarchal performance

all while the matriarchal is felt.

I have accolades of all sorts but the Truth is in my eyes.

I became a mirror in August for two leos in the early 90s whose taboo kind of Love took us on a world tour by the Time that I was teen aged.

I used to say that it seems like I Lived my Life backwards – going + doing + Seeing things most people work & save up to do after a whole Life in one stationary phase / only meeting isolated versions of themSelves.

thank you God(dess). thank you Dad + Mom.

from the moment I arrived we were in motion. my existence has always Been expedited.

my Body has no internal clock.

I graduated high school at 17 as an undefeated mvp. I had moved close to 20 Times by then (but people still couldnā€™t understand what fueled me to run between 70-100 miles a week).

I left for college with a 4.2 gpa + a broken family and a sheltered Heart.

I had never taken a drink – let alone had the Freedom to Be alone in the world.

Life from 18 to 25 was survival – aloneness abuse addiction abandonment police involvement –

the will to Live was fleeting n flickering from inside of a shell of my inner childhood

I walked the stage a year late so my parents could See a small part of their hopes emBodied. I graduated!

and was entirely disenchanted.

I took mySelf out of the cycles of suffering and ended up sleeping on my little sisters couch. jobless + homeless by choice.

I am always thanking Her.

because of Her

I put myself into the game – I applied to jobs in the Bay / to masters programs / apartments

just searching.

I was reBorn in a loft building in Oakland. Died there too.

I became an educator and my travels and initiations were embodied in constant Service work.

the Fruitvale made me.

I had few connections + no roots outside of the ones I cast into the ground for a whole community. this city Loved me in my entirety.

and so I gave and gave and gave just to feel something.

I saw mySelf in everything.

in meetings on boards and designing the Future. I felt older than everyone there. a tokenized prodigy.

I sold myself working for a tech company + substituting + studying + building a school at one point. my rent was more than a mortgage. my landlord tried to kill me.

all of it began to bleed me.

I did the work before I received help (and during)

@ one point all of my worlds combined.

(itā€™s hard to remember bc I was always out of my mind)

I took on so much trauma that was not mine.

I gave until I was cut down by a Life sent for me:

the world cracked open one day and

I Knew right away I was being called from the sky to begin Living a Life that was aligned. to retrieve the parts of me scattered far and wide.

I have touched thousands of Lives. Been vamped and used + stolen from and moved by the emptiness in others eyes.

(my eyes are not that way and so many Times I stayed in search of answers for my ego).

I took on demons and purged parasites

(they wait to this day for me to name them).

Know I won every fight.

I was set Free by my own device(s).

I moved on from my masters program (MLIS) + my beloved corner store protectors & the families that held me.

I left the Town and was found by a Love Free of all vices.

I took the leap and landed on both feet.

the real kind.

quiet and still + vast and safe.

it was so foreign to me that I had no idea how to receive stability.

(and I was painfully unprepared for the way that me choosing me would villainize me.)

I wrote about it + prayed about it and forgot about it.

when it materialized in his eyes – I left everything for it.

I took off all of the Lives of all of the Times I was Living outside of me + accepted help and Birthed Samadhi.

it has Been a ride from nearly dying to get Free.

and I donā€™t believe in holding onto stories that do not

Free me

or

donning labels that dissect me.

(it seems the people will continue to even without consenting)

how?

when I am still writing

still remembering & evolving

I am still witnessing mySelf in order to tell it when they call me

I am Living

continuously

in gratitude,

R

riley the doula

the thing about (re)Birthing is

it is a transformation that happens in the dark – at least in the natural rhythm

if allowed

Birthing people tend to seek isolated shelter

in the cover of the night their magic can Be done undisturbed

under the MoonLight

twisted faces are made in alchemical mastery

and as the Sun rises

a New one emerges

made crystalline out of carbon

breathing down into the soil calls upon the Great Mother and each of the Souls of Her lost children

a moment of contraction is preparation for expansion

as the waves begin to break in real Time

acceleration happens exponentially

past the point of any return to a Life of Knowing

breathing into the fire calls on the God(dess) in Change

in separation the sacred is Seen

transition reveals

the Truth eclipses

breathing into the water calls forth the purification of Life

the maiden is cleansed of Her youth

forced into a new Reality from within two Bodies

breathing with the cosmic wind

emBodying multitudes without words

humming into the Heart of the Divine Mother

as She imprints upon the Earth a boundless unconditional Love

a willingness to meet Death

and a fearless ability to confront all that is not real

in the name of

all that is.

at this point I feel I have said all that I can say

I have illuminated the Path at the continued expense of mySelf

my health

my sanity

I have danced on the stage through every act

hoping the visibility and applause might fill the void before Samadhi

in (re)Birthing mySelf I give Life

in my own public dying and Self ressurection

I create and Change worlds

the Hermit

9

Lighting the way for others

ultimately ending up alone

in Samadhi

perhaps the only place I will feel entirely Seen

is

in the extraterrestrial community of my angels

eternal rest

in Serving this dying world

and finding the courage to hope into the next one

I have earned my Freedom

at long last

there are no more words to write

no more songs to sing

we enter a place of Self governing

I release the illusion of acceptance

the allure of the standing ovations

the entrapment of visibility

I refuse to Be in Service

to the people who will clap me on over the cliff

just to say

“I was there”

and

by taking on the title of a doula

I Knowingly enslaved mySelf

to the responsibility of seeding the Future

and now

as it begins to sprout out of the bloody soil

I emBody wisdom

in silence

retreat

stillness

liminal womblike space(s)

moving only when God(dess) calls

wanting only what She wants for me

in preservation

and immortal

boundless

Being

so if you catch me dreaming

please don’t wake me until I am done

just leave me sleeping

until the morning comes

pass me over

make believe that I am not there

just leave me Be

until the savior comes

thank you for releasing me

& so it is.

-R

ā˜‰ august 2020 ā˜‰

Q: what would your Body say?

A:

bliss ā¤‘ liminal space(s)

ultimate surrender feels so beautiful – divine unions are overwhelming and important

ā¤‘ supreme gratitude

ā¤‘I am here Now – my Solar return was an initiation

ā„…ā„…ā„…ā„…I am writing again

my mind keeps trying to give my power over to put it on someone elses doing

healing

or Being.

-I am the authority over my Life- I am reflected back now in so many extremely perfect reflections

I am in awe. I am so grateful.

thank you God(dess).

it is all Real

I want to write, but I also want to feel it.

I keep trying to give my power + my Knowing + my Healing + my Loving over to some outside Source when

I am the I am.

I have Been and will Be

I am humbled by the God(s) choosing to help me because they are equally whole.

I am so emotional to feel & Know such crystalline confirmation

to have such a Divine witness of my continued initiations.

I am blissful to recognize the layers of effort + sacrifice(s) made for this kind of visibility

may we continue to ascend together

Q: what do we believe about healing?

A:

my healing has Been public

through the Fire

I believe healing happens when you Truly want it to

we can heal ourSelves through anything

but healing is reflection

it is spaceholding

healing is Being fully aware of our actions

consciously illuminating the unconscious

āž» listen deeply for yourSelf ā

āœ¾

closing thoughts?

gratitude

Heart wide open

I feel confirmation from my community

my ancestors are proud

I am so content & I feel recharged in ways that will allow me to pour back into my Loved one(s) + my community

what a miraculous Time.

I am so grateful

thank you ancestors

I am deserving of this level up

I am Love(d)

& so it is.

  • R

understand this:

the purpose of my intuitive astro practice is

to empower my peers with their own medicine

to reflect back to them their own unique activism (in simply existing Truthfully)

and

to remind my community of the value of multidimensional sovereignty

within the collective experience

I allow the signature frequencies of each of the celestial Bodies to move through me

I remain a humble witness to their conversations

their tendencies +

how the archetypes grow with us over Time

my work is voiced by my ancestors

held in intentional sacred space

my practice breathes

I am

a conduit of Truth

I attune mySelf to the entirety of my experiences / my clients / my Reality

to deliver the most relevant + efficient + dignified message(s)

in divine Time

I move at the natural rhythm

every syllable encoded with my purest Heart

this is a final incarnation.

the Truth eclipses

1.10.20

call upon the Divine Mother today
call on She who exists within
reparent the soft parts of your Spirit

the collective / subconscious Father is angry because his lies finally caught up with him
and with undeniable receipts
all the while the Divine Mother makes sure that the World keeps on turning
may we allow Her to put Her bags down and Her feet up

may we remind our inner Selves of the Divinely Feminine power of softness by first nurturing the places within ourselves that needed just a little more coddling
a little more doting after
provide that maternal and unconditional Love for yourself now
come on Home !