the first red bottlebrush blossoms are opening right outside the back door
I caught a flare in the corner of my eye n went out to walk the front yard in a circle jus to See if the tree really decided to greet me
its nice to Be received so tenderly
the natural rhythm is like that
when I think of April I call back moments of harmonious synchronization n feel affirmed by my ability to listen
listening is fluid when the roots are tended to
n I can Be like Water too
there is nourishment in the space(s) between listening n Being unmoved
someTimes receptivity is overlooked but
the stillness calls for effort too
to Become attuned to who you are listening to
I remember winter
the sifting through
April comes n
to hear you growing too
the departing returns you
I like to go away someTimes
into the safety of my own space n mind I find restoration n belonging in other worlds where peace is the norm
my departures have Changed since Samadhi was Born
I find mySelf slipping away to my quiet place(s) with a tired face
maybe I do dissociate (– or is it disassociating?)
I have had to find reNewed ways to merge my unSeen departures with my shared Realities
Now I (co)create consciously n that validates me sustainably
to Be gifted with Samadhi
I can See the Divine responsibility I am called to accept in each moment
this journey is no longer jus about me
one Time an elder said in front of me something along the lines of
‘who Knows where She would have Been without that baby’
n it was a Knowing message – it didnt feel limiting
it was one that comes from someone who has Seen how a new Life shifts all things
n for those who are willing to lean in
to turn the gaze inwardly
it is a multidimensionally transformative blessing
parenting is an undertaking
n growing FutureSeeds take over — reaching from above n below guiding from a place we forget we Know
I feel humbled to observe that there is a quickening of the Remembering
because of pure Love
we carry out our Living testimonies
last year I journeyed deep
dancing dangerously close to the edge at the risk of losing everything
when I met the grieving n realized what was Being asked of me
in my naivety I believed I was meant to sacrifice all of me
that is what had Been shown to me
I wanted to Be like that
withering away jus to say
“I was here
I spent a decade attempting to play all of the parts
now I write in wonder n awe with all of the sides of me I hid
I write in a chaotic clamorous stillness
n in humility for all of the ways that my guides have protected me on my journey(ing)
six years of Soulmate unity three years of conscious parenting n Soul retrieving seven months of Living separately 13 months of no drinking n no sexing one year of microdosing addressing two decades of avoiding Being wholly emBodied
I under-inner-over-stand now
the ability to experiment is a privilege
one that is no longer lost on me
I was willing to lose everything
Saturns lessons reflect the consequential nature of EarthTime n under Her instruction I find mySelf back on the good Timeline
twelve weeks n several months of anciently futuristic somatic healing therapies n my memories came back to me
the veils of amnesia were removed from my eyes by matriarchal guides
masterful Source conduits
they led me to consider more possibilities
maybe this is the longest Life that I have ever Lived
n maybe for me this is the other side
I See Heaven every Sunrise
they say the Truth can Be felt
n now that I have learned how to receive help I move with an unwavering faith n an impenetrable auric grace(fulness)
(in n for my Self)
the fragmented scattered parts of me
the ways that I shapeshifted
trying to get others to See
it all has Been returned to me
in the release of fearful traits
from the fascia all of the hate loops back around n into the ground
n in some inconvenient ways I am still jus the same
n probably always will Be
but when I sit down to put my Heart on the page today I am the whole melody emBodied
thank you(s) for reminding me
& so it is + will Be.
the story of us
you drove most of the way
those were hazy days still I remember how you made me feel
my favorite reminders to breathe on the wheel
your hands taught me safety sovereignty
of the weight(s) of all everything
directing Life devotionally two lips parted the way
I told you I would show you how to ride this wav
but your patience Changed the Path between the sea(s)
Spirit torments while emanating
all of this Life here
it confuses me
blood on the page(s) of new histories
forged in real Time
through the darkness we resurrect the Highest Truth
ancient stillness + infinite Sight
a place we never Knew
let us go
on wielding this Light:
& so it is
+ will Be.
hear about me from me
5:45am 2.6.21 LBC
I started and abandoned a couple of projects recently that called for writing a bio +
I have always preferred to allow mySelf to Be Seen over Time – rather than attempting to pull resume pieces together from past Lives
into some patterned quilt of patriarchal performance
all while the matriarchal is felt.
I have accolades of all sorts but the Truth is in my eyes.
I became a mirror in August for two leos in the early 90s whose taboo kind of Love took us on a world tour by the Time that I was teen aged.
I used to say that it seems like I Lived my Life backwards – going + doing + Seeing things most people work & save up to do after a whole Life in one stationary phase / only meeting isolated versions of themSelves.
thank you God(dess). thank you Dad + Mom.
from the moment I arrived we were in motion. my existence has always Been expedited.
my Body has no internal clock.
I graduated high school at 17 as an undefeated mvp. I had moved close to 20 Times by then (but people still couldn’t understand what fueled me to run between 70-100 miles a week).
I left for college with a 4.2 gpa + a broken family and a sheltered Heart.
I had never taken a drink – let alone had the Freedom to Be alone in the world.
Life from 18 to 25 was survival – aloneness abuse addiction abandonment police involvement –
the will to Live was fleeting n flickering from inside of a shell of my inner childhood
I walked the stage a year late so my parents could See a small part of their hopes emBodied. I graduated!
and was entirely disenchanted.
I took mySelf out of the cycles of suffering and ended up sleeping on my little sisters couch. jobless + homeless by choice.
I am always thanking Her.
because of Her
I put myself into the game – I applied to jobs in the Bay / to masters programs / apartments
I was reBorn in a loft building in Oakland. Died there too.
I became an educator and my travels and initiations were embodied in constant Service work.
the Fruitvale made me.
I had few connections + no roots outside of the ones I cast into the ground for a whole community. this city Loved me in my entirety.
and so I gave and gave and gave just to feel something.
I saw mySelf in everything.
in meetings on boards and designing the Future. I felt older than everyone there. a tokenized prodigy.
I sold myself working for a tech company + substituting + studying + building a school at one point. my rent was more than a mortgage. my landlord tried to kill me.
all of it began to bleed me.
I did the work before I received help (and during)
@ one point all of my worlds combined.
(it’s hard to remember bc I was always out of my mind)
I took on so much trauma that was not mine.
I gave until I was cut down by a Life sent for me:
the world cracked open one day and
I Knew right away I was being called from the sky to begin Living a Life that was aligned. to retrieve the parts of me scattered far and wide.
I have touched thousands of Lives. Been vamped and used + stolen from and moved by the emptiness in others eyes.
(my eyes are not that way and so many Times I stayed in search of answers for my ego).
I took on demons and purged parasites
(they wait to this day for me to name them).
Know I won every fight.
I was set Free by my own device(s).
I moved on from my masters program (MLIS) + my beloved corner store protectors & the families that held me.
I left the Town and was found by a Love Free of all vices.
I took the leap and landed on both feet.
the real kind.
quiet and still + vast and safe.
it was so foreign to me that I had no idea how to receive stability.
(and I was painfully unprepared for the way that me choosing me would villainize me.)
I wrote about it + prayed about it and forgot about it.
when it materialized in his eyes – I left everything for it.
I took off all of the Lives of all of the Times I was Living outside of me + accepted help and Birthed Samadhi.
it has Been a ride from nearly dying to get Free.
and I don’t believe in holding onto stories that do not
donning labels that dissect me.
(it seems the people will continue to even without consenting)
when I am still writing
still remembering & evolving
I am still witnessing mySelf in order to tell it when they call me
I am Living
riley the doula
the thing about (re)Birthing is
it is a transformation that happens in the dark – at least in the natural rhythm
Birthing people tend to seek isolated shelter
in the cover of the night their magic can Be done undisturbed
under the MoonLight
twisted faces are made in alchemical mastery
and as the Sun rises
a New one emerges
made crystalline out of carbon
breathing down into the soil calls upon the Great Mother and each of the Souls of Her lost children
a moment of contraction is preparation for expansion
as the waves begin to break in real Time
acceleration happens exponentially
past the point of any return to a Life of Knowing
breathing into the fire calls on the God(dess) in Change
in separation the sacred is Seen
the Truth eclipses
breathing into the water calls forth the purification of Life
the maiden is cleansed of Her youth
forced into a new Reality from within two Bodies
breathing with the cosmic wind
emBodying multitudes without words
humming into the Heart of the Divine Mother
as She imprints upon the Earth a boundless unconditional Love
a willingness to meet Death
and a fearless ability to confront all that is not real
in the name of
all that is.
at this point I feel I have said all that I can say
I have illuminated the Path at the continued expense of mySelf
I have danced on the stage through every act
hoping the visibility and applause might fill the void before Samadhi
in (re)Birthing mySelf I give Life
in my own public dying and Self ressurection
I create and Change worlds
Lighting the way for others
ultimately ending up alone
perhaps the only place I will feel entirely Seen
in the extraterrestrial community of my angels
in Serving this dying world
and finding the courage to hope into the next one
I have earned my Freedom
at long last
there are no more words to write
no more songs to sing
we enter a place of Self governing
I release the illusion of acceptance
the allure of the standing ovations
the entrapment of visibility
I refuse to Be in Service
to the people who will clap me on over the cliff
just to say
“I was there”
by taking on the title of a doula
I Knowingly enslaved mySelf
to the responsibility of seeding the Future
as it begins to sprout out of the bloody soil
I emBody wisdom
liminal womblike space(s)
moving only when God(dess) calls
wanting only what She wants for me
thank you for releasing me
& so it is.
the purpose of my intuitive astro practice is
to empower my peers with their own medicine
to reflect back to them their own unique activism (in simply existing Truthfully)
to remind my community of the value of multidimensional sovereignty
within the collective experience
I allow the signature frequencies of each of the celestial Bodies to move through me
I remain a humble witness to their conversations
their tendencies +
how the archetypes grow with us over Time
my work is voiced by my ancestors
held in intentional sacred space
my practice breathes
a conduit of Truth
I attune mySelf to the entirety of my experiences / my clients / my Reality
to deliver the most relevant + efficient + dignified message(s)
in divine Time
I move at the natural rhythm
every syllable encoded with my purest Heart
this is a final incarnation.
eye rise and set like a star
through my pen eye arrive right where you are
before the neighborhood awakes eye
sift through all of our predetermined fates
the revolutions in full bloom Gaias cries echo in the halls
and the rooms of the collective school
eye keep skipping class with you
protect the poets
our blood has been spread
smeared somewhere far
here we are in the future
if eye have learned anything at all in this last decade it is
since critical mass has been reached we have been accelerating exponentially
we are long past the tipping point
if you are reading this
we fucking did it !!!
some of us may be feeling an overwhelming desire to pull back
to move differently
call all of your energy back
eye often use the twilight saga to explain the energy of the newly awakened in america
those who have just opened their eyes for the first time
are the most reckless unstable erratic and impressionable
like newborn vampires – their venom is potent
their young flame energy can put others in danger
we still have much work to do
to continue to archive / immortalize / transcribe our Truths
so that those who are beginning to See now
for the first Time
do not open their eyes to illusions
it is up to each and every one of us to revoke consent from entities that are misaligned with all that is Truthful and Light
look closer now
eye encourage creators and creatrixes to work to divest their content from major platforms
use new search engines at this time
g**gle is becoming somewhat of a dead end
read terms and conditions
and try to write every single day
this is the week we have been waiting for
eye know that eye first began to see visions of 2020 almost 8 years ago
under a full moon outside Otay lake
eye knew that things would never be the same
and that if eye spoke too much about it that eye would sound insane
so eye have waited
it has been so painful to wait
it has been so lonely
here we are in the future
& so it is
humans have been using the power of storytelling as a means of travel for thousands of years. when we use the multidimensional power of our words to share our reality with others we tap into an ancient and advanced network. this network is powered by the light energy that each of us can emit with our hearts. it travels through the illusions of time and space igniting age old codes embedded in our very dna that stretch back through hundreds of generations. through our bodies we channel the stories that our ancestors told before us. when we speak our truths we illuminate the hearts around us. each body has a unique energy that interacts with every entity around it. when we use our hearts eyes hands voices pheromones and even our favorite foods to tell stories we give our listeners/experiencers access to more frequencies. when we dare to share our stories with others we learn more about ourselves through their perceptions of our shared realities. frequencies correspond with colors sounds people places numbers things – they shape every particle in our existence. the wavelengths that makeup these frequencies can be studied through a wide variety of scholastic disciplines religious and spiritual denominations and artistic mediums. they are represented by archetypes and symbols celestial bodies and languages and an endless array of other culturally conceived categories.
storytelling is one of my personal favorite means of translating frequencies because of the way that it reflects our innate desires to be a part of the greater whole. storytelling allows us to use our imaginations our memories our cultures and our most current selves to send our frequencies out into space. we tell stories to make sense of things to paint pictures and to pull the astral down into a tangible form. when we tell stories through music or astrology or images we project our hearts song into the collective crescendo that is now happening on our planet. we are now telling our stories more fearlessly with more conviction and pulling from the deeper parts of our souls in search of connecting with others. we tell different stories during times of change. we must work harder to keep the notes of our hearts songs ringing clearly in the infinitely expanding world discography. we are becoming more aware of the composition of our stories our heart songs and how they resonate with the worlds around us. we see our audiences more clearly now and we know what they want when they want it and how to best communicate that.
eye use symbols to tell my stories. eye embody the stories of those that have come before me by using the stars the internet the earth the traffic the tones of voices the timelines the way the light refracts in selfies. eye use the power of each present moment to channel messages out of the infinite web of songs we have harmonized. eye scroll through reality like eye do my music library on a daily basis attempting to find someone elses song to best express the moment eye am experiencing. when eye use my intuition to channel messages for others empathy allows me to travel outside of my body to better find their song in our collective library. eye can do this because eye know exactly what eye sound like. this makes it easier to tell each of our songs apart. sometimes we need someone else to play our songs back to us. we have become so accustomed to hearing our own songs through our own bodies that we dont always notice when they need tuning. we have a tendency to project ourselves off key instead of allowing others to reflect where we can change a note. hearing ourselves played back to us is uncomfortable it ruffles our perceptions of ourselves. eye use symbols to tell my stories because symbols are made up of all of the things. the sound the feel the perceived and the real. eye use symbols to help me help others tell their stories. eye use symbols to make things make sense. symbols represent sounds and colors and people and places and frequencies. they can help us to understand the messages that our ancestors have hidden for us in every verse of the greater symphony of life. storytelling is the stage on which these symbols can be sung to others uniting us on a single wavelength for a moment in time.