my sun took this after my Birth giver left us stranded off the freeway redding, ca (damn near klan town) overnight
I was jus tryna to get away from LA for a while forgetting the politics of returning to the ranch n how my mom always has a new boyfriend who is more important
but thankfully our chosen fam got us a hotel room n a flight back to LA bc I was too traumatized to think clearly — I am learning so much about what it means to have n Be parents who Love their child/ren n how to have a Home of your own (or not) who values the role of educators n Black Motherhood in this country (no one) dependable community (very rare) n how deep the root(s) of racism n homophobia go (especially in the states of Oregon n Florida) n how unprotected American children are (Death to all ped0s)
this culture of individualism is traumatic to me
n I cannot Be everyones scapegoat anymore
I am old enough now to See
I am not crazy
its not me
its you
n all yall gonna stop abusing n abandoning me n putting my child in danger n speaking on us sideways every single year
I will never Be that kind of Mother that is not what family means to me
how embarrassing
I am tired of the Selfish judgmental hoarding supercapitalists n how everyone pretends like nothing is happening here
bc I Know I have Been too silent about what has happened to me at the hands of people who say they Love me (n that is why it keeps happening)
I am jus tryna write it all down without losing mySelf
if you can hear me or help me
thank you fr
pls keep me in prayer while I keep workin through it safely
for Samadhi
may we all get Free
& so it is + will Be.
emBodied melody 