satiety

even as tumultuous n uniquely traumatizing as my Life has Been up until now
I still would never want to Be anyone else n I think that is really hard for some people to deep fr
look at the evidence of my impact while I was suffering in silence like imagine if I had a Hometown n people who actually Loved me for me around

I Know youre not supposed to Be able to openly articulate the position of your oppression but I See american social norms as optional guidelines, there to Be considered

in the Times I had nothing I made something for everyone else n it still was never enough for them

it is the biggest blessing to let the tower fall publicly n that is why any Time my family has reached out to ask me to hide my name or my story I have doubled down on speaking out

I am working on telling a few stories — one of my own Life journey n a few about the reoccurring characters who have tried to harm me steal my voice n Become a caricature of me (bc they are really funny n relatable stories now)
thats the thing about Living transparently n showing up consistently for over a decade thats the thing about those Timestamps n intentional archiving

bc even your own people will steal

I guess its easier to try to Become n Befriend a Watered down me than to make space for the accountability that relating with the Real me requires

it is deeply liberating to witness the people who you saw as peers Become gratified by your fall scavenging for pieces to take on as their own while you try to keep your head above Water n they think they Know what the future holds like they got your anointing like they werent fans of your vision first like they do not understand the rage guarding your hurt

n I let them because I have Seen the kind of suicidal apathy that inspires the people who come for me like they cant possibly value their own Life n that is a bigger tragedy to me than what I Seen Living in the belly of the beast

(I have never tried to or wanted to kill mySelf for the record)

still no thing has Been more Freeing for me than fighting for people who were dehumanizing me n attempting to convince me that I wasnt experiencing targeted stalking n years of obvious abuse

that I wasnt holding their big dark incriminating secrets that I never consented to Knowing

the way people move like actual sex traffickers in their daily Life had me terrified n trapped

n I was enslaving my own Self to an idea of justice that never comes, literally, until I decided to stop n to never look back

to See what happens when I revoke consent to See who ran with the stories I fed them to See who continuously blames victims

to receive fake Love from people who only Know how to See themSelves as a savior or superior to See how people See me as someone who is as desperate for an identifier as they are (colonizer is a Spiritual disposition)

to See the way neurodiversity is demonized in Black queer Bodies in Real Time to watch how people will revert to witch hunting n scapegoating the most unsuspecting n then leap to mark you as the other thinking that gets them Free(r) or even that they are more protected (theyre not)

if they came for me yesterday they will come for you tomorrow babe

n I am screaming out a very fuck you to everyone who comes around jus to prove something to themSelves to See what Motherhood is about to try on my Life n to use me n

then evade accountability or blame me for not Being the same me after they tried to throw me away n compound my invisibility

you lucky I choose to Be this Godly every day n that you caint abuse n ostracize n isolate n drug the me out of me

this Live alchemy

you cannot create a monster out of me only an example of how to get more Free n I did that very intentionally every step of the way

crafting my Life in my languages n fortifying my Home in the whole world

I dont Teach people how to Be people anymore

they would rather do the work of the enemy n then pretend we are not at war

if you react to systemic disrespect they call you bitter

good luck moving on in Life after desecrating the peace of The Mother n child

the abandonment n abuse I have Seen is a clear reflection of the larger abandonment of Self

I Know my role n ion take the actions of capitalistic zombie thieves personally

they only Know hunger

satiety Belongs to me

in gratitude,

& so it is + will Be.