renunciating

for the Time Being:

• no lyrical musics (still playlisting here tho)

• social media (mostly) inactive

• journaling n planning

• Teaching n learning

• Being present in safe goooood Loving

…n thinking of the way it is too easy to Be compelled to post the story that I am okay after breaking down all the way publicly to save face to have a say in everything every day to consume n consume n consume

yet remain full of angst misdirected rage n increasingly creatively constipated— its not a good look for me (or for any Body)

how the machines lure us into the traps of both continuity n separation

this new cycling this wintering is returning a sense of personal power n internal authority back to me

through new kinds of surrendering n sovereignty

n the California kind of sobriety (this makes january #4 since I quit drinking)

I am always retrieving the pieces left in between the patterns patterning

so many years seeking empty validating from a void of mostly strangers

n my baby holds space for my evolving n shedding so patiently he waits for me to come back to me when the algorithm comes for the Love we are making n he stretches himSelf across the spaces I make when my brain fabricates false danger he moves jus like a King

the way he holds all of me

as challenging as it all is to See

to face n to (co)create n to (re)shape our places in things each day

the work it takes to subdue the rage to name the pain to maintain a Higher vision of Love despite n in spite of the odds

it still is

everything I could ever want n have dreamed of

it still is

ours

n what we make it

to Be gifted with the kind of joint assignment to mend so many things that have Been broken for so long (with)in the ways we relate to one another n from within our lineages n family stories of Love

with reverence in sanctity our healing reverberates to every union to every person trying

still it is

so painful to feel the ways we have forgotten n

still it is

Soul jarring to return to each other so wounded from the previous attempts at merging worlds in (the pursuit of) Love

like…amor my Love who did all this to you? how could they hurt this He(art)?

n why do I find forgiveness so easily

when I See how far you strayed from who I Know you to Be(come)

Home

finally

archiving the feel(ing)s in Real Time

n gratitude,