wasnt sure what to expect my first day but the email said to get there at 8. i was raised on military time – on time is late. got to the school an hour and a half before i needed to be and walked around the campus. langston hughes hand painted on the walls promising positivity. the combination of crayons glue paper and that weird plastic cafeteria food smell are comforting. it definitely feels like a safe zone you even have to be buzzed into the gate by security!
i was taken aback by the demographics. my uber driver called the area ‘little tiawuana’ an offensive mispronunciation of a city i grew up walking distance from. before i was enculturated in my own i was spanish speaking code switching in a whole different way. silver toothed baby smiles broken sentences arent pitiful theyre familial but i was confused. i thought oakland was black ? where are all the black kids? why are all the teachers out of an anthropologie magazine? not the academic kind…..my first day
my first day i was told by other teachers people electing to work in an underserved area what schools in east oakland to avoid
because thats where the “bad kids” are
what an
interesting
dynamic
the moment i set foot on the steps i was an educator a leader a mother a reference point for how to be because thats what school is and thats what educating positions do
me? what? why?
teachers were created to instill and direct culture
institutionalized americaness
and often the correction of or erasure of the other
who makes it and who doesnt
what an
interesting
dynamic
where do i fit in here? is this right? where does my privilege passion identity and perspective help rather than perpetuate the same interesting dynamic?
perpetuate the same interesting dynamic
why are all the seemingly passionate empathetic people in my generation leaving to satisfy their civic duties for humanity overseas?
why are they leaving these innocent babies to suffer under the downfall of a system that was not built to protect them?
the hope of our future
to suffer under the downfall of a system that was not built to protect them?
when we need so much collective help HERE? in every way
in every way
i was making exit plans for when shit goes down
because no matter if youre a pessimist optimist athiest or person of god(s)
we can all agree it has never been a matter of i f
but always w h e n
i decided im going to stay here
this is my home and im going to protect it
maybe i was blessed to see the world at a young age for a reason
i know that theyve got it figured out elsewhere
much more than us
but also not the fuck at all
i know that we are all struggling in the same ways facing the same perils
together
we are having a kind of social revolution and awakening in the united states that many cultures / societies experience repeatedly
resulting in death
daily
they got toilets older than our entire country
look it up
just because our disneyland is falling apart
doesnt mean we quit
fact check whatever conspiracy whatever scripture you want
read everything you can join a cult club write a blog go back to what you know you need
TALK TO PEOPLE
is the weed really helping? you know the alcohol isnt. idk about pills but definitely flush em homes find god
is it a coincidence that the narrative about “drugs” is softening? should we be numb right now?
go/call home
prayer comes in all forms
we understand the fragility of the virtual world and how much potential we have for construction and destruction
social media has been around for long enough to where we get it… we see it for what it is and we
\
we arent impressed by it because we have mastered the nature of it
because we have mastered the nature of it
so now what?
now we build fam
now we use it as a tool
while we still can
dont make fun of effort if you cant say youre doing the same
but also never believe ur own hype
accept delayed gratification as real gratification again
because thats what will sustain
invest in longevity
that means………work
because just as fast we are realizing and actualizing our voices the intersection of worlds that exist in our millennial mess
they are too
wtf does disney want with twitter yo?
what could they possibly want ….?
they see the power we have as a unit
when we question everything and we come with the muhfkn receipts
they promised us so much. its a small world…so go to college! be a doctor! the promised land! love all!
this is a caste system
my peers are homeless.
and for the racially challenged readers im not just talking about my black peers – u cornball
they dont want us to succeed
ascribe whatever personification to it u need
they dont want us to love each other
they want this tool to be divisive oppressive filtered fake versions of the things that make us feel human in the physical world
the virtual reality is somewhat unavoidable
we’re here
but we are rushing it
did you know that evolutionarily speaking our guts are still somewhere back a couple thousand years
and our diets based on the agricultural revolution ($$$$$$)
conflict with our hunter-gatherer primal eating habits
read about it
a result of our intellect and brainpower
we are rushing our physical bodies
making them sick
and we cant figure out how to cope so we self medicate because
is it too late?
does it matter?
am i hopeless?
why try?
NO
slow
down
come
together
make your own grow your own smoke your own love your own protect your own invest your own
tell them you love them
be honest
love without expectation
since i got here i have noticed a shift in my life
ive been on some kinda minimalistic self-journey
in a way that i try not to spend all of my time working out but acting on
ill look/be lost if i have to to figure it out
because i know im not the only one
if your voice shakes or whatever whatever youre going the right way
i dont care if im perceived incorrectly or trivially whole time
ill take the token role the oreo slander the fake woke the lost rich girl the bitch the boy the athlete the lucky the sad .,m./.,.,m///,…
i will take it all
none of its new
weve been here before weve been here the whole time we will be here again
i do the best i can with it
i have the older generations looking at me with an empty toolbox
hoping their struggle wasnt in vain and that they prepared us well enough
because without scaring us
theyre urging us and telling us that they dont know what else to do either
no one ever has lol
sitting around talking and posting about our wokeness not doing a got damn thing
but making us anxious and unable to function as our species always has
collectively
we have the time to be extra existential when we are all living for ourselves
most of our parents had kids by now
another interesting dynamic
this week i learned that:
the youth cannot read………..
maybe we fell into the generation where the cyclical nature of politics personhood artistry astrology happen to be shitty
and thats just the way it is
so im accepting all the fleeting realizations im acknoweldging it and im letting it pass
im working on me as a collective we
im going to do it openly and honestly when i can
because i do not enjoy being misunderstood
the way we interact now makes it impossible not to be
so u can catch me constantly searching for the balance between passion and practicality
constantly searching for the balance between passion and practicality
the balance between passion and practicality
between passion and practicality
passion and practicality
and practicality
hbu?
lane. riley 