i know im technically a gentrifier

but this was a pilgrimage. it took five days before i stopped waking up confused about how i got here. the last year ive been living in a video game. still not sure whether giving into a backseat position in my life is going crazy or becoming enlightened. how do i paint a visceral image with a keyboard? there is a feeling behind the back of your skull when youre tapped in. there is a set of eyes behind your set of eyes. everything is distant and dark you see multiperspectives in 4d. you dont have legs you fly…………………………………..maybe you it call the zone. athletes do it. musicians orgasm on stage . we speak in tongues that are not our own channeling a form that transcends. a resonating infinite golden pattern.  we use whatever we humanly can to translate it to make it make sense make sound make shape

it

is

godly.

like higher than any other thing  it cycles deeper it buzzes right behind your bellybutton. maybe its dead relatives leaving you a sign or you say its a coincidence or timing maybe espiritus just sheer luck  did the stars align or  a man in the sky? meditating or astral projection? because when youre really on that wave youre looking down at yourself from above. there is evidence we are living in a simulation  but im not math minded enough to take that route i like to find my version of it waking up next to someone i love in that perfect spot for my face –> neck.

im masochistic when i reach new levels i gut myself in the bloodiest way leave with no evidence.

the burdening pursuit to see yourself in all people the courage to wipe the dust off the mirrors. mirrors everywhere. terrifyingly identical replications of the same needs dreams things. falling in love dangerously often fearlessly deep. confessing my sins in your lap building churches out of making up no i wasnt making dua to your smile thats a bad bad religion.

at night i wake up > once still not sure how to sleep in a bed alone and it scares me that i feel so empowered and so limbless without that codependent connection. whats the line between symbiotic and parasitic? am i pitiful or am i human for longing? because in the way i have been channeling the universe the way i harness the power of being here now feels best in love always all ways

this summer i learned how to introspect in an unplanned absence i learned to grieve for souls ive never met i humbled myself i cleaned up i uprooted upset kept to family i healed over the loss of a home

i

let

go

forgave for forward functionalism

because i had no choice but to follow the signs proving every single thing is conspiring and culminating to create this moment of never ending awakening

i am i am i am